I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
