Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My vagina is very pro this idea
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
