Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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