For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
So apparently I’m into choking now
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