How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
