so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
