What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
