Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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