I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
