could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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