I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
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