in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
