So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
