I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
