maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
