i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
