I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
people are starting to question the shark bite story
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
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