She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
