Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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