Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
