OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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