I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
