sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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