yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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