Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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