ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
