So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
