oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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