I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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