it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
