I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
