Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
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