Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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