I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I AM VODKA MAN
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
