She said her name was "party"
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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