1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
