dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
