my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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