butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
