i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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