Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize