so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
How does it feel to date your dad?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
