I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
