sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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