you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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