wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
