Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
