Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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