i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize