i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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