I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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