i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
