If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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