That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
