Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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