I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
