Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
