Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
