ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
