I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
