legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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