Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Randomize
