And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
